Radically Inept
Wednesday, April 21, 2004
  What the rest of the world should do for America

Okay, the title is a little strong, but as I promised yesterday, this post is for my foreign based readers, of which you are a fair proportion of the readership of Radically Inept. Of course, when you consider that total readership isn't all that large yet...

So, those of you based here in the US can just skip this post. Come on, move on. This isn't for you.

Alright, now that we are somewhat alone...Hey you, I said move on!...I can bring up this point. You guys need to fund the education of US citizens. No, really, I mean it. It's in your self interest to have an educated, literate American population. Now I know if you look at just the literacy rate for the United States, the statistics don't look bad: Phrasebase´┐Ż - ALL COUNTRIES Facts and Information, ALL COUNTRIES Statistics, ALL COUNTRIES Facts, ALL COUNTRIES Information, Countries of the World, ALL COUNTRIES Maps, ALL COUNTRIES Comparisons.: "UNITED STATES Northern American North America 97.00" But, you must consider the definition used for literacy:
United Nations Statistics Division - Millennium Indicators:
"Definition of:
literacy/illiteracy [code 187]

A person is literate who can with understanding both read and write a short simple statement on his everyday life. A person is illiterate who cannot with understanding both read and write a short simple statement on his everyday life."
Definitely not my definition of literacy. My definition of literacy includes being given a transcript of a Baby Bush speech, and possessing the mental acuity to realize that it says nothing. You know, read the whole speech, and know that it was just a string of words, without content or meaning. In fact, I'll bet that 50% of Americans can't read and comprehend at the 10th grade level. That's probably third year for you Europeons to put it in context. See, America is populated by third graders.

So, why should you care? Because stupid Americans elect STUPID American presidents. Presidents that walk around with a hand tucked under their suit jackets, wearing strange hats and screaming for Josephine. Look, it's sad to have to admit that the average American can't read the directions on a prescription bottle, read a map, or look up a phone number in an actual phone book. Worse is the fact that the average American can't find their own state on a map of the US. You think I'm kidding?! I could easily give you a huge list of examples of exactly this fact, but I'll just use this one.

When I was attending the armor officers basic course, me and another LT went cruising for women and wound up in a hotel bar outside of Louisville, KY. So, this somewhat cute blond is sitting next to my buddy, and the following is a summary of the conversation, near as I can recollect:
"Is that a high school class ring you're wearing?"
"No, this is my college class ring."
"Oh, really! What college did you go to?"
"The University of Richmond."
"Where's that?"
"In Richmond, Virginia."
"Where's that?"
Alright, since you aren't necessarily familiar with the internal geography of the US, let me say that Kentucky bears the same relationship with Virginia, that France does with Germany. They share a friggin' border, for christsake!

So, please realize that this is representative of the kind of people voting in this country. That's right. The most powerful, richest, arrogant country in the world today is led and populated by idiots. So, if you don't want a bunch of Americans attacking your country under the mistaken presumption that Italy is spelled somewhat like Iraq - both words start with an 'I' - or, that Australia...Austria, eh, what's the difference? Drop the bomb here. Oh, wait...There's an 'F' after the 'A' in these orders.

Oh well, it's not like we care about mistakes. As Americans, we only look forward to making mistakes. We are unable to look back in time - years, months, even to the seconds just before we pushed the button - to see mistakes. That would be rivisionist...Oh, sorry that's commie. Can't have words like revisionist in a post here in America. Ashcroft might decide it's pornography and I'll wind up in jail. Anyway, looking back on what you've done, to see if you can identify any mistakes you've made, is just dwelling on the past. And in this country, we're all about fucking up the future. Or, something like that.

So, that's my argument. You don't want uneducated Americans running around the world making decisions that affect you and your families. Therefore, I highly recommend that you guys lobby the UN to create an 'Educate the Americans' fund. I truly believe you would reap huge benefits, and it's not like we're going to spend the money on educating our kids on our own. Who wants children smarter than they are?? No, I think ultimately it will be up to you to bear the burden of educating the next generation of Americans.

I had more to say, but there's a re-run of an old 'Sponge Bob Square Pants' on, and that's the most intelligent program on american TV today. Oh yeah. If I was you, I'd keep American programming out of your homes. I believe American industry has a deal with the devil, where they make a fortune on keeping people stupid. Later... 
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